I’ve come to realize that dating in Santa Barbara isn’t as difficult as many women in my age group believe. I have been guilty from time to time, but for the part, I believe it’s all in your attitude. While you may not meet “The One”, Mr. Right, your soulmate, your other half, nor any of the other quippy nouns invented, there are plenty of Mr. Right Now’s out there which can be hugely fun and entertaining while you trudge on with your never ending search.
Seriously, Mr. Right Now doesn’t require the same skill set as Mr. Wonderful. If he is fun to look at and you can tolerate him for more than an hour, he’ll suffice. I have quite a few man-friends that I date occasionally, and I always have a great time. Some I might like to strip down and abuse their bodies, and others not so much. That’s OK , too! And the more you date, the more life experiences you have. You just gotta get your head in the game.
For me, the first step is realizing I am in charge of my own good time. If my energy is off, I just close my eyes for a few minutes and remember that I am pretty damn fun. Once your energy is in the right place, Mr. Right Now will respond in kind. They can’t help it. When they are with an attractive, fun woman, they feed off the energy. Everybody does, not just the men.
You’ve probably noticed when you walk into a room, people react in some way. One time you may not be noticed at all and the next, all eyes are on you and everyone wants to know who you are. My goal is always to be the later. And it really doesn’t take much effort at all. I rsimply remind myself that I really like me, which brings an instant smile to my face and spring in my step and that combination always gets noticed.
When you’re with Mr. Right Now and you walk into the room and everyone notices, he will notice too and those little cock feathers (like a rooster, kids, not what you’re thinking! Although it could be both!) are raised and he feels good about being the one that is with you. It’s a male ego thing. Works really well. Once you’ve accomplished that, your evening has to turn out incredible.
I had a date the other night – someone I like, but no chemistry. I took him to a singles mixer. He was a great sport. I didn’t tell him what we were doing, I just told him to wear jeans that really hugged his ass. Sure enough, he shows up looking damn hot and almost had me believing I needed to rethink the chemistry thing. I’ve told him there isn’t any chemistry and that makes him try that much harder. Tee hee. I’m glad I brought my own eye candy because there wasn’t much else there. We went to dinner and dancing after and he flirted and pampered me. It was a great night! I even got a foot massage out of it! I think I’ll hang with him a little more often.
Tonight, I have a youngster planned. He’s 15 years younger than me, so not someone I would choose to get involved with. He is super smart and diverse which makes for great discussions. He, like me, is a scotch drinker, so we’re going to taste a few different ones at Dargan’s. And I’m kinda in the mood to see what transpires. I’ve had fun making out with him. And it is Saturday night, after all!
It used to be I wouldn’t even spend time with someone so much younger than me, but I grew out of that recently. Why not? They don’t have as much baggage. They are utterly refreshing. And it’s a huge stroke to my ego, knowing that younger men are hot for me!
I’m sure there are many women out there that would never consider doing what I do: dating someone they’re not interested in. I say, get over it or sit at home by yourself or with your girlfriends. (Not that there is anything wrong with hanging with the girls – I do that regularly as well!) I’ll be out enjoying life every chance I get.
Besides, I’m not sure I believe in all that soul mate, forever man bologna! People change. All of us. We’re constantly learning and growing and developing. And we don’t necessarily grow at the same rate or in the same direction. So I ask, should you stay with someone just because you’ve been with him for years?
In addition, I believe humans were not designed to be monogomous. Men are built to inseminate. They see a pretty woman, and they think sex. Women, for the most part, are the nurturing ones, but we can only give so much if we don’t receive as well. Sometimes you just need to change who it is you are nurturing and sometimes you just need to be inseminated regularly!
Have a lovely evening, people! I know I will!
Just realized it’s been too long since I blogged. I guess life is like that. All of a sudden you turn around and it’s summer time again! I’ve got my cute summer dresses out, have to shave my legs every day now! Well worth it!
So, I’ve been dating a bit. Actually looked at my match.com daily matches. It was the first time in a few months. I was gonna cancel, but I’ve already paid through July and so I looked while I was there. Met up with one of the guys last night. Fortunately, he was as adorable looking as his photos showed. It seemed he was honest with everything on his profile. But there didn’t seem to be any chemistry. How is it you can find someone so attractive in so many ways, but not have the urge to jump their bones? I was tempted to grab him and full out mack him, just to see if I was wrong, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. I guess I’ll introduce him to all the beautiful, great women I know to see if they have chemistry.
Talking about chemistry, I took off with the GFs this past weekend to Palm Springs. I forced the girls to go to the club in the hotel with me and was quickly accosted by a much younger man, inviting us to join their bachelor party. Evidently he was the “girl-collector” for the party, so I thought nothing of it. His friends were cute and nice and fun, so we were all chatting. It wasn’t until later that I realized this little cutie had kept coming over and peeing on my leg, letting his friends know he marked his territory. Obvious signals: he would come up and hug me or put his arm around me when I was talking to one of his friends, even though he didn’t know me; he sat on my lap at one point; finally he just full on kissed me in front of everyone. I haven’t done that in way too many years, and how much fun it was! Santa Barbara tends to be such a small town, stuff like that would get around too easily. I didn’t know anyone in Palm Springs, except my girls. I was able to finally let loose. Chemistry was amazing, we danced and flirted and drank a little more than we should have, which led to more flirting. Definitely a fun night. Too bad he lives in San Diego! He was way too young for me, but I would have enjoyed toying with him for a while!
It’s amazing how a little ego stroke like that can be so energizing and motivating. I think we get stuck in a frame of mind that is hard to get out of. I’d been feeling like I was getting old and would probably never see one of those beautiful, naked male bodies I love so much. (See, some women are visual!) Having this guy pay so much attention to me made me start noticing lots of other young (and old) men checking me out and flirting with me. And I started looking at myself more closely: I may be aging, but I am sure as hell aging gracefully! I look at other women around my age and they’ve got nothing on me! Made me want to work out a little harder, eat a little healthier, and allow myself to flirt a little more freely with anyone I want to! (I guess it made me a little more sassy to!)
I’m really excited to see what the summer – and the rest of life – has in store for me. I know I’m in charge, and it’s just a matter of taking action on opportunities presented to me – both work and pleasure! I constantly remind myself to follow my intuition – it has never steered me wrong.
This weekend isn’t too full yet. Awards event with a networking group I belong to on Friday night. I’m dragging a good male friend along. He’s such a good sport. He is even going to wear a suit. I love men in suits! There is something ultra sexy about it. Or jeans and a button down shirt and cowboy boots. Uh oh, I’m heading off on a another tangent. Actually, it’s more interesting then what I’m doing this weekend. So let me digress. What is it about a man in a suit that is so hot? Other than the sophisticated look, I think it is more the idea that the suit is conservative and rather tied up and I just want to strip that suit off of him, one piece at a time and get him naked and nasty. That’s what really makes clothing fun. When it makes you wonder what it would look like off. I often will grasp a man’s forearm or upper arm casually, if his clothing looks good on him, just to see the firmness, which gives me a better visual on what he would look like naked. See, guys, we do think like that. Perhaps not as often as men do, but it happens a lot. I particularly like it when I get that little warm fuzzy you know where when I look at a man. Whew! I may have to go home and take a cold shower just thinking about it!
It’s supposed to be fabulous out there this weekend, if the fog doesn’t stay in too long. Get out there, enjoy it and flirt your asses off! It’s much more fun that way! Hugs!
It’s been a busy week and weekend! Work has been crazy busy, which is awesome and shows signs of a recovering economy! Sometimes it’s difficult balancing work and fun – and often they’re combined. As a professional woman in this small town, I find myself getting more conservative than I even want to be for fear of damaging my reputation in business. Life sure gets complicated as you get older. I keep trying to tell myself to just get over it and have some fun!
I went to a self-improvement seminar yesterday put on by Sean Mason, an attorney in town. I’m all about making a better me, even though I like me now. This was about identifying your core values and using a process Sean created with those core values to help improve any challenging areas in your life. One gal went up on stage and Sean went through the process with her on a challenge she had with her husband. It was fun to watch the lightbulb go off when she had an epiphany! We also broke into smaller groups and did the first few steps in the process. What I realized that was interesting was that, while we have very specific core values that we apply to others, we often don’t treat ourselves with those same core values such as generousity, respect, authenticity or honor.
Isn’t it funny how when you least expect it, you have the most fun! Thursday night last minute, I met a girlfriend for a drink at Blue Agave. Didn’t spend much time getting ready and definitely wasn’t looking my best. We ran into a couple people we knew, but it was pretty quiet there. The bartender took great care of us, chatting and recommending cocktails. It’s always helpful when the bartender is hot! I particularly like watching the guys at Cadiz! The voyeur in me at it again!
My GF had to head out and I wasn’t in the mood to go home yet, so I went to Joe’s where they make possibly the stiffest drink in town (competing only with the Tee Off in my opinion.) Ended up chatting with a way cute guy that sat next to me. When I was ready to leave, he convinced me to stay just a little longer, then walked me home. That was hugely chivalrous and very much appreciated. And he was a perfect gentleman! Not that I really wanted him to be.
I was going to send him a thank you note, but then I ran into him again at a party on Saturday and he walked me home again! Funny thing, he never asked for my number, although it would be easy to get. It will be interesting to see whether I hear from him. I hope I do! It was quite fun bantering with him!
There are so many fun options for things to do here, you have to pick and choose! Birthday party pub crawl on Friday or Earth Day Festival? I went with the party. Party bus to Cold Springs Tavern to see Tom Ball and Kenny Sultan perform or work…I chose work! I heard Area 51 was playing at Soho last night. Too many options!
I need to get to Santa Ynez to pick up my wine shipment from Brander Vineyards. It’s only about 45 minutes away, but seems to require a full day. I’m going to shoot for next Saturday for that. I’m sure there are some fun things going on there next weekend, so I’ll check into it before I go and make a day of it.
I wish the weather would warm up. I finally put my new spring dress on thinking the fog would clear out, but it’s 3:30 already and the fog hasn’t even started to lift. I would say it’s cold, but it’s not cold compared to the NorthEast. I’m just a Calfornia girl not used to inclement weather!
Trying to get refocused on my health. It seems I go in spurts. I’ll work out 3-4 times a week for a few weeks, then fall off – never completely, but enough to feel it. And my eating habits are just as sporadic. Didn’t help that hot guy last night wanted to share a burger. It was really good though!
I love working out. I love the energy it gives me. I love the way my clothes fit. I love how I feel. And I love the positive impact it has on my life. I also seem to like hitting the snooze button over and over and over, until I don’t have time to go to the gym. Sometimes my bed just feels so good, I don’t want to get up.
And although I work for myself, I try to be in the office or have my first meeting by 8:00 or earlier. Once my day is going, it is difficult to fit the gym in. For a woman, it’s not just a matter of popping into the gym and a quick shower. For us, it’s the workout – I usually spend 1.5 hours between stretching, yoga, abs, lunges, deep knee bends, rowing machine (which is a great upper body workout) and 1/2 hour of cardio plus some weights – then the shower and shampoo, hair dry, style and makeup. That’s like 3 hours total and who can take that much time in the middle of the day. By the end of the day, I’m tired, the gym is packed or it is too late and I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I worked out that late. Lame excuses, I know.
I try to make up for it by walking every where I can. I walk downtown about every other day. It works out to 1 -3 miles each trip. I’m just not walking fast enough to get a good cardio workout. OK, I’m committing to all of you (there aren’t any of you yet, but there will be), I will work out 4 times this week.
And I try to eat healthy – as much fruit and vegetables as possible, lower fat meats, limited carbs – but I LOVE junk food. I try not to buy it because I will eat it if it’s here. Or I try to buy a semi-healthy alternative – like chocolate covered banana slices. I figure if I eat 3 slices, or even 5, I ahead of the game compared to a bowl of ice cream or a handful of cookies. There for a while I was on a blow-pop kick. Only 60 calories and it would last me an hour or so with the gum. I should buy another bag!
OK, it’s Sunday at 4:15. I have a 4:30 client appointment and another at 6:30. Wish me well with a closed sale or two! Make it a great week!
We are so spoiled. It’s Sunday afternoon, the sun is shining, there is a bit of a breeze. Just met a guy that moved here from Seattle – right, welcome to sunshine!
Santa Barbara is a bit of a strange town. I got a text Friday night inviting me to a birthday celebration at Blush for someone I don’t even know. And I went! Birthday girl shows up rather tipsy already and with an outrageous amount of cleavage – she did look great! It was a diverse group of 15 people, of which I knew 2 or 3. That’s how Santa Barbara is. Everyone is welcome regardless of the occasion. I’ve crashed more parties here then ever and have been welcomed each time. As much as I’d like to think it’s because I’m hot and have an engaging personality, I must admit this is just how people are here. Kinda cool.
After the b-day festivities, we all ended up at the El Paseo to listen to an 80’s band that is mediocre at best, but one of the guys in the band has a huge circle of friends and we like to support our friends. Being such a small town, there were at least 50 people that I knew there and probably 250 total. That’s why it is so easy to go out alone – I always run into people I know. There was also a birthday celebration going on there, and so we helped ourselves to the food.
I grabbed a seat geared toward voyeurism and realized how many single guys I know. Why is it that I hardly ever have a date, yet all of these men – many of them attractive – are single? Not that I want to date any of them, but it seems bizarre that they are out there and so many women claim there aren’t any good men left. Most of these men are good, not perfect and sometimes cheap, but they are good men – for the most part.
It makes me wonder if, as we get older, we end up with so much baggage that it interferes with our ability to identify the good people. I also believe the more relationships you have, you identify what you do and don’t want in a relationship and as soon as the prospective significant other shows even the slightest sign of having one of those red flag “don’t want” qualities, we high-tail it as quick as we can. I can’t imagine that’s really fair to anyone.
I’ve been told and have read that you should make a list of the qualities you want in a mate and a list of the qualities you don’t want, then rip off the side of the list of don’t wants and burn it. Then you’ll focus on the good stuff and that’s what you’ll attract. My list of wants was so insanely long, there is no possible way one man could possess even half of my want list. Am I asking for too much? Should I settle for less?
I was told I should sort the list in order of importance and look for the top 10. Right. Those are the basics: honest, trustworthy, monogomous, no jail time, good credit score, sane, healthy. Doesn’t leave much room for the fun part of life: sense of humor, adventurous, good in bed, and so on.
So, I’ll just continue on my way and hope that at some point, some great guy is going to sweep me off my feet and that list won’t even matter. Until then, I’ll keep enjoying my life as a single girl doing all the things I love – well, except that one thing you need a man for!
Ta ta for now!
I always find it amusing and amazing living in Santa Barbara. There is so much to do, so much to see and so many people to meet! No wonder I’m comfortable being single here!
Tonight there is a “Meet Up” of singles who are supposedly wine lovers. While it is always a fun event, often with over 100 people in attendance, the wine lover aspect is a little off. I think it is just a lot of single people that like to drink – a lot – and the actual wine is irrelevant. The event is also free to go to, which is of even more importance to many in attendance. I’d would like an event where the wine is really good actually costing more than $5 a bottle. Yes, I am a bit of a wine snob, but I’m ok with that!
Its also Thursday night, which is a fun night in SB. The tourists are not out en mass, so it’s primarily locals. You can walk into most restaurants without a reservation and get a table for at least two, although bellying up to the bar is so much more fun and the service tends to be better. The bartender can’t get away from you!
One of my favorite places to go on Thursday is James Joyce. While it is definitely a dive bar, they always have great live music on Thursdays and often dancing. Sadly, the band doesn’t start until 10:00 or later and that’s a bit late for most people over 40.
I’m wondering when someone will open a place that has a band starting at 7:00 or 8:00 that is geared towards the older crowd. We have money to spend, so charge a cover or make the drinks pricey (but good), that’s ok!
Well, I’m off for the evening. A bit of the meet up, then dinner at Arigato! Best sushi in town and all kinds of other fun foods. If you haven’t tried their spicy green mussels, you need to. They are almost orgasmic! I know I like the food when I moan while eating it!
Have a great night!
Welcome to WordPress.com. After you read this, you should delete and write your own post, with a new title above. Or hit Add New on the left (of the admin dashboard) to start a fresh post.
Here are some suggestions for your first post.
- You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.
- Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting page you read on the web.
- Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can always preview any post or edit it before you share it to the world.
Well, good afternoon! Many of the people I respect and admire say blogging is a must for various reasons. Thought I’d give it a try, but I want to be able to say whatever happens to be on my mind. So, if you’re offended easily, I recommend you stop reading.
I am female, single and in my late 40s. I look good for my age and take care of myself. I don’t date much, primarily because I haven’t found anyone lately that I’d be interested in dating and/or because anyone I might be interested in doesn’t have the courage to ask. (I can be intimidating!) I’m a bit old-fashioned like that. I believe the man is the hunter and he needs to hunt – for his own sense of self as much as to impress me. I’m not saying I’m playing games, I’m just not going to do all the work for him. Let the man play the man’s role and the woman play her role. I think a man feels good about himself when he has hunted and caught something! Not so much if it was easy prey.
That’s also why I don’t believe in sleeping with a man too soon – if you’re interested in him. My girlfriends used to complain about men not calling after they’d made “such a great connection.” Right. That great, alcohol-induced connection that made you not remember his name, what he did for a living or if you used condoms! Don’t come crying to me about that crap – over and over again! Have sex with a guy if you want to – we’re made to procreate and men are made to inseminate – just leave it at that with no other expectations.
So, my thought with this blog is to post random thoughts, occurrences, ideas, fantasies, whatever happens to feel right. Some may be boring, some may be funny, you just never know what you’re going to get here. But it will all be based on living here in this beautiful town of Santa Barbara! Welcome!
subliminalsantabarbara 