That’s what they say anyway! Not sure I learned much more in the past year. Still single, still going on dates that leave me laughing, thinking I should have known.
I had a date last night. It was the 2nd date – ish. I say ish, because the first was a dinner he was putting on and he had me pay for it. His cost was only $30, the event was $65 and I paid the full $65, so it wasn’t really a date. He kinda thought it was but didn’t do much to make a good first impression. This 2nd time, at least he shaved. Not sure if he showered because he didn’t smell fresh, but he didn’t smell bad. Fresh makes me want to stay close, really close. And he probably isn’t big on doing laundry because the 3 times I have seen him, his pants, shirt and jacket were dirty. Not stained, just over worn dirty.
It’s a shame, because he’s a good looking guy and we have quite a bit in common, we converse extremely well and we laugh a lot. I just don’t see myself getting naked with a man that doesn’t have excellent hygiene. Call it a pet peeve, I’m ok with that! Needless to say, the date was over early and there wasn’t much affection – even though I like him a lot.
So I ask you, is it worth while to discuss with him the improvements I’d like to see in him? Would I be rude to ask him to wear clean clothes so that I am not embarrassed with him when I run into people I know in this small town – and I will!
I also want him to lose the gut. It looks like a basketball got planted in his tummy. He says he is not a drinker, even though he makes wine. Yet, the belly tells me he likes beer and greasy, unhealthy food. He chose a vegan restaurant last night, then ordered a grilled cheese and complained that it was awful!
Here’s the thing, to you gentlemen out there, a gut is crazy unattractive. I don’t want to cuddle up to that or even look at it. And even more important, it shrinks your dick! There ends up being so much fat in front of your dick, it’s sometimes difficult to find. In addition, you’re probably limited to woman on top position and I prefer to try a variety of positions when I have sex – like a lot of women. Being on top doesn’t get me off nearly as well other positions. So, do yourself a favor – get rid of the gut! It will make your girl happy (or help you get that hot girl you’ve been lusting after!) and it will make you healthier and seriously more comfortable. I can’t imagine it’s comfortable carrying a bowling ball around ALL THE TIME!
Another attempt at a relationship I had recently was also pretty amusing. We have fun regularly, but could never get it together in the sex or sleep department. I don’t sleep well generally, so to have him wake me every time he wanted to cuddle didn’t work for me. And, while I adore his dog, I don’t want her in the bed with me all night. And the sex – I was seriously surprised about. I like to talk about sex before I ever get around to doing it. I want to know what a man believes is good sex. Tell me your perfect sex scenario. Sex is important to me and I like to play a lot. Morning sex as a wham bam is fine, because we have to go to work. In the evenings though, let’s make it last. That toying and teasing builds up to a much more intense climax – and that’s what I want!
This guy says he loves going downtown – he can go downtown for an hour! Hmm, that got me hot! Of course, he falls asleep at 8:30, then wakes me up at 2:00AM to go do his business and for almost an hour, he clamped on to my clit and never let go! And that was it. Nothing else. Nada! I finally had to stop him because I was numb. The next day, I asked him if I licked the tip of his dick for an entire hour, would he cum? His response: “Of course not!” Then why do you think I would? Since then, I have given him explicit directions (by request) before, during and after and after four months of trying, we decided we probably should just be good friends and stop trying to have sex. I haven’t yet asked him if it works for other women he is with. I can’t imagine it would!
I will take a moment away from making fun of my dates, to make fun of my girlfriends. After all, laughter is what I am aspiring to! So, I was debating what to do for SuperBowl. I had a party invite which wasn’t overly fun last year, but great food. Or I could go to a restaurant/bar I like called BrewHouse. I knew that would be a fun crowd and while I don’t give a shit about football, I do enjoy watching when its the best of the best – although not this game.
A couple girlfriends decided they wanted to do with me whatever I decided to do, and I chose the foodie party. My friends got there and automatically grabbed a table for 4, got a drink and food and sat there the entire time. So when one of my friends said (and meant), “I thought I would meet my next boyfriend here” I burst into laughter. I mean, seriously? You come to a party, sit down and don’t talk to anyone and think you’re going to meet anyone?
I had another close girlfriend once say to me, “Why don’t I ever meet men when I am out with you?” Is that why she is my friend? Because she thinks I am younger and prettier and will draw men to come over to talk to us? At this point in my life, the thought of meeting a man in a bar isn’t even a blip in my mind. I go out to have fun and meet all kinds of people and not worry about anything. Why do women expect me to introduce them to the man of their dreams? I can’t even do it for myself!
So, in closing, guys – lose the gut and clean yourself up! Ladies, get out there doing the things you enjoy doing and open yourself up to talking to everyone. At least you will still have a good time, even if Mr. Right doesn’t plop himself on your lap! And in the interim, have fun with the Mr. Right Nows. I’m realizing that dating several men, even with their flaws, works really well! And you get a lot more experiences! Mr. Right will make himself known when it’s time and you aren’t sitting around the house until then!
Until next time, cheers!
No, I’m not saying my vagina is dry as a well! And realistically, wells are full of water, except here in California! My sex life is dry, dead, non-existent! Ok, not quite true. I have lots of sex in my dreams – and occasionally I do climax! Nothing like waking up with a smile! And I do have my toys for selfies! They leave me wanting more. Wanting the real thing. Wanting a man to carress and tease me. Wanting to feel a man penetrate every way possible. So, why is that so hard to find?
It’s all my fault, really. I don’t want just any man. I want that serious good chemistry that creates a tingle downtown long before I even know sex will happen. I want that lustful feeling that causes the pheromones to ooze out of my pores. I want to stare at his lips and wonder how he kisses, what he tastes like and what else he can do with that fabulous mouth. I want to look at his hands and yearn for them to slip under the side of my shirt while we are kissing, the one where just a minor skin to skin contact gives me a chill. I want to hear him say what he wants to do to me, in excrutiating detail. That kind of thing is hard to find.
Especially in this town, meeting men that are good chemical companions is difficult. I’m not even asking for relationship-worthy at this point. I just want a raging good fuck! But it’s a small town, where everyone knows each other and the level of incest is insane. I don’t particularly want to have sex with the ex-husband of one of my GFs. Not even with someone that has slept with one (or more, possibly many more) of them. At my age, I realize I can’t expect to find that perfect lover that has not had sex in 10 years! So at what point should I compromise?
I have thought about calling several different men I know. It would be awkward as I have known most of them for several years and/or I have slept with their friends – although I have discovered they don’t tell like women do. I know pretty much every guy my GFs have fucked. We love to talk about it and about them and how good (or sadly bad) they were. Men – beware – it gets around. So if your well is dry, you better start working on your performance!
There is a gorgeous black guy I have known for years. I just know he has a big, thick, lusty manflesh between his legs. And when he flirts with me and gets a little touchy-feely, I get the tingle. I just don’t know what is stopping me. Could be I have slept with two of his friends and have a feeling he is servicing several women I know. Being one of a possie isn’t exciting. Unless it was a possie all together! Could be he is technically married, although living apart for a long time. Still, I respect the girl code and that certificate says hands off. I guess I will just keep using him for fantasy material, until I get so insanely horny I can’t stand it. Which is definitely close by!
Maybe I should see a sex therapist! Or maybe I need to get out of town! Any advice out there?
Life continues to be amuzing, if nothing else! It is gorgeous here, Friday afternoon and I’m realizing I have nothing to do tonight. You would think I would have a date, but no… Seems I can’t even get a decent date!
I had a guy contact me from OK Cupid. Young guy, I talked about him last time. We texted, repeatedly. And texted some more. And some more. He always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. A hundred times a day! Talk about an overwhelming time sap! Met him once and it was fun. More and more texting. And more. And more. Never asking to see me again. We did have a random late lunch. And he said we should do more day time stuff. Ladies, you probably know what’s coming! Nope. Not married. Oh, yes, he is involved. Which is why he was never available in the evenings. I asked him and he told me. And wanted to “talk” about it. Why? Why waste any more time? He is looking for someone to have sex with during the day behind his girlfriend’s back. And sex with him would have been hella fun – but I can have sex pretty much any time I want with a plethora of men, all at once, if I wanted. I’m looking for someone who is available: to see regularly, to get to know, to go out in public with and hold hands, to get truly intimate with. And someone who can stay the night occasionally and actually have breakfast with. Evidently that is too difficult to find, especially when I add in that it needs to be someone who like to go for nice dinners!
Speaking of nice dinners, I was visiting my parents who still live in my childhood home. When we were kids, the boy across the street was “the hot guy” in the neighborhood. All the girls had a crush on him, including me. During a game of Truth or Dare with my friends, we dared Tina to kiss him. It turned into a double dog dare, so you know she had to do it! And she DID! I was soooo jealous! So, I’m visiting last week and he meanders over to say hi and give me a hug and he ASKS ME OUT! He is still super cute, although as an adult my tastes have changed. So we agree to go out for dinner and he wants to know what kind of food I like. I eat pretty much any type of food. So, on our first date after knowing him for 45 years, he takes me to a fast food japanese place! It was a step up from McDonald’s, but not a big one! Pretty much all fried food. I guess I should have been more specific. I live in Santa Barbara and I have a successful career and I drive a nice car! And I take good care of myself! I don’t eat fast food! I took that to mean it wasn’t a date, so much as two old friends catching up. Ok, I’m good with that. Until his niece tells me the next day that he likes me. Hmm. My taste has definiely changed! Funny caveat! He likes me partly because I never got fat when all the other women my age did – and he took me for fast food! Guys, if you like a girl, take her somewhere decent! It doesn’t have to be expensive, but not fast food!
I went to a singles event last night. This is how small this town is. There were only about 30 people there, which was surprising as there are often 100. Of the 30, 24 were women and of the 6 men, I already knew dirty little secrets for all but one. The one was completely unattractive with ZERO personality! That is my life here! Welcome to my world!
So, I am feeling pretty sexy tonight! Took a seriously long shower, did a great shave job, my hair looks super cute, makeup is perfect, putting on a cute little dress! And nothing to do! I guess I will have to go out and find my own fun! Wish me luck!
You just never know what is going to happen on any given day! I am still on two different dating sites. It is amazing the BS people post. Come on, people, be real! Do you think that by checking the box that you don’t smoke is going to get the smoky smell out of your lungs in a couple of hours? Or out of your body after sweaty sex? Nope. It stays and proves you’re a liar! What else are you lying about? Might as well be real from the getgo, so you attract the people that will be ok with your imperfections. Not that smoking is an imperfection, it is just something I don’t want in my life!
I have been having a very unusual text conversation with a younger man. According to my GF, he is old enough – my age/2+8. He is older than that. Maybe he is too old for me! I was going to write him off, until a man-friend of mine suggested that I not. His point was what harm can it do? Point taken. And I am glad I did. I have been more open and honest with this man I thought I had never met. Ends up we did meet briefly, but he doesn’t remember – very early stage Alzheimer’s? And we did something I have never done with someone I didn’t know. We sexted! For hours! And hours! And it was nasty and dirty and raunchy and so much fun! Serious tingle, my friends! He wanted to call, but I couldn’t deal with that after all the detailed fantasies I shared with him. He described in serious detail what he did with one woman: a little bondage, blindfold, coconut oil, cunnilingus, analingus – he didn’t use those terms, of course! Trying to keep this somewhat R-rated! He is traveling now, which is good because I would have been ripping his clothes off way too fast! Every woman has an inner-slut! She just has to be comfortable enough to unleash it!
I asked for his permission to post the conversation verbatim. He was good with it, but I decided it was waaaay too much to share! So he is coming back to town tonight, late. I leave out of town tomorrow morning and am not supposed to be back for 10 days. Where I am going, I can’t take my vibrator. Mom just wouldn’t understand when she came barging in a door that doesn’t lock to find out what the noise is! That poses a problem because as I continue to sext with this guy, I get hotter and hotter. I can’t even play in the shower because we are in a drought! I did get smart and bought a vibrator that plugs in to charge rather than using (and running out of) batteries! That won’t do me any good at Mom’s house! What the hell am I going to do? I may have to suffer through blue ovaries! (Yep, Doc says my vagina is still in perfect working condition! She said I have the vagina of a 30 year old! I kinda liked that!)
I also told him not to expect sex the first time we meet. As much as I am seriously jonesing to get at him, I am having so much fun I don’t want to rush it that quickly. The exploration and anticipation part is almost as much fun as the real deal. I want to have a similar live, in-person conversation with him and watch his expressions as I discuss completely innappropriate things with someone I don’t know. And there will definitely have to be alcohol, because this is all so NOT ME! Generally alcohol doesn’t change that for me, but I think in this case it will help!
Something else I did for the first time was tell him about this blog. No one that I know is aware of it – or at least no one knows it is me writing it. He read it all and it didn’t scare him off! I am not saying we are destined for a great long term relationship because I don’t think one could be started with this much sex talk immediately, but he will definitely be fun to play with! And since he will probably read this, I won’t have to tell him in person. Either way, I am betting he will be up for the fun! He said I can do anything I want to him and I fully intend to! Just not right away!
Outside of that, life has been full of adventures! Dealing with Mom’s dementia while my Dad has finally gotten up the courage to travel outside of the US for the first time ever at 80 years old! I am so excited for him! I didn’t realize how much time and energy it would take! Difficult to run a business when I am 100 miles away. And business has been a blessing to me. I have expanded and now have several people working with me. And I am writing a business plan for another business! I have to keep busy cuz I am sure not spending my time getting laid – as sad as that is!
All in all, life is great – as usual! Think I will head out and do a little flirting right now! That’s always fun!
This was from a year + ago and just realized I never published it. I didn’t read through it all, so I hope it isn’t awful!
Honesty, being up-front, not hiding the shit you know you should just so that you can accomplish your own goals at the expense of multiple others. Is that really too much to ask for?
I had given up dating for several months – that’s why you haven’t heard from me. My 18 year old niece moved in with me. Big change from being single, no kids, living alone for more than several years. It took a little adjusting, and I just couldn’t deal with the bullshit of dating added in. Or perhaps I just don’t want to deal with the bullshit of dating.
I thought I had settled in with my niece pretty well. She agreed. I decided to give it a try. Signed up for Match.com. Went on a date or two or three. One guy never even seemed to mourn his dead wife, who died unexpectedly. Went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I found that out from Google – not from the guy. He is so lonely and desperate to have someone in his bed and helping with the kids. That’s what I determined after a coffee and a dinner with him. A girlfriend of mine had also gone out with him. That’s how small this town is. If I meet someone, I just ask two or three of my GFs and someone will know him.
Then I randomly meet a guy at the Playboy Jazz Festival. OK, maybe it wasn’t super random. I put it out to the universe. Walking into the concert, I told my GF, “We’re going to be surrounded by really fun people and a couple single, great guys… that are straight!” And we did. My GF was miffed that the second single guy was only 16, to her 65. She swore he was hitting on her. Now that I’ve gotten to know his Dad, he probably was.
They are sitting one row up and a few seats over. He says hello as we walk by. I smile. He sees we have a bottle of champagne and wants to know where we got it. He doesn’t go get one, so when we’re ready for another (this was an 8 hour concert – one bottle was not going to be enough!), I invite him to come with me. It seemed like magic after that.
He was a little bold for me, but what girl doesn’t like having a great looking guy pay attention? We have a lot in common, the bantering is strong and fun, the chemistry is insane – you know that chemistry where when you kiss him, it smells like sex and it puts that little tingle down there? I love that smell. I want to bottle it. There is no better aphrodisiac. He saw me and never stopped looking the entire 8+ hours. He switched his vacation plans around to see me again – and drove 3 hours to do it. He was all over me. I had to keep pushing him back because it was way to fast for me. And seriously fun! It’s been a very looong time since I’ve had that kind of chemistry with someone. It felt good. Red flags be damned. Even when he said he was coming to visit and it turned out he planned to stay with me for TEN DAYS STRAIGHT! What kind of crazy person spends 24/7 for 10 days when you hardly know someone? Evidently, I do.
Red flags shaking heartily in my face, friends not liking what they are hearing, but love him when they meet him. Really like how we are together. Can’t believe we’ve only known each other a few weeks, because we seem to know each other so well.
As much as I shouldn’t have, I didn’t work much at all while he was here. We went to LA and played tourist. We stayed in Beverly Hills. We dined at some nice places – OK, not the level of nice I really like, but with him it was all really nice.
And the sex was insane! He knew just what to do. Wasn’t one of THOSE guys that says, “Tell me what you want, baby!” Right, if they really knew what I wanted, they would probably think I was a freak. I once told a guy exactly what I wanted and he said no way. I told him to quit asking stupid questions. No, this guy knew to do whatever he wanted and listen to and feel my responses. The louder I got, the more he knew I liked it. And he was nasty, really nasty – just the way I like it. He was also very possesive. Telling me he owned me now. That no one else could have me. That no Match.com guy could take care of me the same way.
In 7 days, we had one minor snaffu. Not bad after 24/7 with someone you hardly know. We talked about it. I cried a little about it, but hid it from him. I kept asking what was I not going to like about him. He assured me we were perfect for each other. We were made for each other. The reason our past relationships hadn’t worked is because it wasn’t us. He was already planning his move to Santa Barbara. He could work from anywhere, sort of. He wanted to move in with me and my niece – which is already over crowded and with only 1 bathroom. Red flag! Red flag! which my rose-colored glasses couldn’t see. I did keep telling him to slow down, which he would for a few minutes.
So, you’re probably wondering what the point is to this story. Yes, the shit hit the fan. Well, not really, because I am such a balanced, level-headed, no drama kind of person. When I get the text message – yes, that’s the one – Hi. This is **, his girlfriend of 10 years. He may have forgotten to tell you about me. Did he also forget to tell you that we are business partners and he lives in a house that I own and he does not contribute to the mortgage? And those lovely dinners he has been buying for you – well, you’re welcome. He even bought me panties with her credit card. Eeewwwe!
I tried to discreetly let him read the first – of MANY – texts that came in. He was too busy in a conversation with a friend of mine, so I let another friend of mine read it. When she yelled, “OH MY GOD!!” he finally paid attention. He wanted to explain. He thought he was doing the right thing. He’d been trying to break it off with her for 2 years – but was still living in her house. He could explain that, too. Then another text came in. “I did his laundry, and drove him to the airport. He hardly let me out of bed that morning.” Then she sent me a text that he had sent to her while flying to see me. Wasn’t pretty. Sounded just like him – even I knew that already.
As I said, I’m not drama prone and I didn’t want to make a big scene in front of my friends whose lake house we were staying at. So I made the most of it. I stashed the rose goggles, rehashed the red flags, realized I was done with him but we had no where to go – we’d been drinking really good wine for several hours – so we stayed and I took advantage of the guilt he was feeling by making him perform outrageous acts in bed and cat
I’ve missed you so! I really need to get focused on writing more blogs. It’s such a feel-good and stress relief!
So, as a quick update, I’m still single! Surprised? I can’t decide if I am or not. As much as I would love to be in a relationship, my tolerance for crap is extremely limited. Am I getting old and set in my ways or just tired of the bull shit?
Tell me, my friends, am I being too hard on these men?
1) Met him on Match.com. He “liked” me, so I emailed and said his profile looked too good to be true. It really did – he was insanely hot in all of his pictures, had a lot of common interests, was well written (a need for me!), was age appropriate and not looking for a youngster AND he was local! He thanked me, said a few words. I responded. He sent his phone number. I told him I would call. Later that afternoon I got voicemail. No response. The next day I get a message on Match saying he had gotten busy but would be around that evening and over the weekend. It is now 3 days later and I still haven’t heard from him. Was he expecting me to call him AGAIN? What happened to chivalry? I made the effort and his has only been half-ass, so he probably is too good to be true. Next?
2) Met him on OK-Cupid. Match wasn’t getting me anywhere, so a girlfriend suggests I give OK-C a try. We write back and forth and decide to meet for coffee – it was a little strange how he pushed for 7:30 in the morning. I get a note from him at 10:00 the night before saying if I want to come at 7:00, I can join him for breakfast. At the same time, I get a text from my GF saying the name of the guy from OKC who has been harassing her. Yep, you guessed it – it was him! I’m a good sport, so I plan to meet him anyway. I double check his profile and realize he has added some stuff, some BIG stuff! He thinks Jesus was smarter than Einstein! I don’t have a problem with Bible Thumpers, I just am not one and don’t really want to date one. Been there, nuf said. So I go in with full disclosure: he denies that he knows my girlfriend and says he is no longer religious and didn’t realize his profile showed it. I was grateful when I got the note from him saying we were looking for different things, so I didn’t have to do it. I appreciate the little things in life!
3) Have known him for 10 years and we have hung out several times over the years strictly as friends. He starts showing more of an interest, and a little more and he kisses me. And it was good. Really good. And he is married I find out, when another guy friend of ours got a bit jealous of our flirting and spilled. Again, I appreciate small favors.
4) Met on OKC. That site seems to work a little better for me, although with these stories I’m not so sure! Hot on paper(less)! Invites me to a very nice place for a drink. Not so hot in person. Takes out a $20 to pay for two drinks. Not sure where he thinks he is living, but this is Santa Barbara and this was a fine dining establishment. He brings the check back to the table, so when we go to leave I offer to help pay. That’s my norm – I always offer and always appreciate when they don’t let me. He jokes that I can pay for dinner. Sure enough, he expected me to! I suggested we go dutch. We had nothing in common and he was incredibly boring. I wasn’t going to pay for his dinner, too!
5) Another guy I’ve known for years as friends, although we had a benefit once or twice. Hadn’t seen or heard from him in two years when I get a text suggesting I go for a long weekend with him. I’m spontaneous like that. He was great about picking up the tab for everything, and wouldn’t let me unless I insisted on paying. We had fun, although the sex was nothing like it was in the years before. So I ask him straight up: When did you stop dining down? He said he didn’t and that was the end of the conversation. During the 5 play times we had that weekend, not once was there much foreplay on his part. I like foreplay – a lot! After that conversation, he didn’t touch me again. Said he wasn’t feeling well from a big meal we had. I’ve seen him once since then and same thing. Straight to penetration. Don’t get me wrong, he is well built so it was still fun, but not nearly as hot as it had been in the past. Seriously? WTF? I won’t be going back there.
6) and last as I’ll stop boring you! Great looking guy I met on OKC. He lives in Ventura and was willing to come to SB. So many of them want me to drive to them – I’ll pass, thanks! We had a great conversation. He was very complimentary – almost to the point of being insincere – do you know the type? I find out he lives with his mother. He is 60 years old and lives with is mother. In addition, he informs me he takes testosterone supplements and estrogen blockers so that he can keep his youthful appearance – a little weird, but it was working for him. Date #2 he shares WAY TOO MUCH. I know every aspect of his man grooming and what he expects from a woman. You know, I have waxed my va-gi-gi in the past and had it ignored. (Passive aggressive guy) If he wants me to do it again, I’m willing to tolerate the pain but he had better pay for it. Otherwise he can deal with whatever bush or non-bush happens to be there when and if he is ever lucky enough to see my panties on the floor! Then he drops a final bomb. It appears I am dating a 60 year old ex-stripper who lives with his mother! I make fun of him, but I do have to clarify: his mother is 89 years old and can’t live by herself and can’t afford full time care, so he moved from out of state to be there for her. It’s just funnier if I say it the other way. Now I need to clarify if he was ever a gigolo. That would really make me laugh! I might have to sleep with him just so I can say I did!
7) OK, I know I said that last one was my last, but then I remembered this one. Met him through a mutual friend. We hung out as friends for a while, then decided to step up. It was fun, briefly. I realized he had a bromance that I couldn’t compete with. It seemed perfectly ok to him to stand me up or be an hour late because his bro would make fun of him if he left early to see me. He couldn’t have his married bro whose wife wore the pants making fun of him. Not even for sex with a chick far hotter than him. I don’t think he ever got out of high school.Grow up!
Is it just me, or are these typical over 40 dating stories? Are there no men left within a 100 mile radius that are decent looking, at least somewhat ambitious, fun, chivalrous and can still get it up? Am I asking for too much?
Every one of these men tells me how hot I am – much better looking than my photos and a lot younger looking than my 51 years. They think I have everything a guy would want from a woman. I’m even a great cook! So what’s my problem? Am I supposed to settle for some schmuck that will bore that crap out of me? No way, I’ll invest in Duracell!
Until next time, thanks for reading!
Actually, forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It’s been a year and a half since I last blogged, and that is a terrible sin against you and against my sanity! I had a rough year +, thinking it might be associated with menopause, or rather peri-menopause. I turned 50 in October and had my first physical in far too long. Looks like my baby-making parts are still in good working condition, which kinda sucks. There is no way I would want to have a baby at this age and chase a little tyke around over the next few years, which means I still have to be cautious about sex, or rather unprotected sex, and/or freak out if my friend doesn’t show up right on schedule, although my schedule keeps running just a little longer, which means I pee on a stick fairly regularly. Oh, to be a man and not deal with this crap every month. Although, I wouldn’t trade!
So, over the last year +, my 18 year old niece moved in with me. She moved out just a few weeks ago. I went from living alone to having a teenager! That was definitely a transition, although it went better than either of us expected. Fortunately, she isn’t a big party girl, so I didn’t worry about her, except the one time she went out with work people and called me at 1:30 in the morning, drunk off her ass and not knowing where she was. Ends up she was in Old Town Goleta – a less than appropriate place for a drunk 18 year old beauty. Jumped in the car in jammies to go get her, which is when I realized I needed more than reading glasses. I couldn’t see shit. Just one more fun part of getting older. I wonder what is next!
I am back to living alone, which means I cacn now bring men home as I don’t have a teenager to be a good example to. She would not have minded, but she did cock block me several times when I came home from dates and she sat in the living room with us, playing with her phone. Seriously? Go to bed, G! Everything happens for a reason, and this prevented the slut side of me from coming out.
It’s not that I am a slut, it’s just that I meet so few men that I am attracted to and when the chemistry is really good and I am not getting much action, it is really hard to not want to see what those clothes are hiding. Problem is, like I have told my GFs on countless occasions, you sleep with a guy too soon and they don’t call you again. So, I have to decide, is there a potential future with this hunk of man I am dying to see naked or should I let my lust get the better of me and live for the moment. The lust often wins out! Thank God I am not attracted to more men!
Really fun getting back to this! Hope you are all living fabulously! I will try to be back soon – no promises though!
Granted, it’s only a Tuesday night. On the one hand, it is rather refreshing to have some alone time, some badly needed down time. On the other hand, I kinda feel like I might be missing out on something. My friend, the one that is everything I don’t want, keeps saying, “Life is long.” What else is longer? OK, sounds dumb, but there is some truth to it. So rather than thinking that life is short, I’ve changed my thinking to “Life is Limited” or “Life does end eventually, so you might as well make the most of it now!” Right? Funny, listening to my I-pod on shuffle(first Apple device, by the way!) and a song is singing, “I’m here for the party! Just try to throw me out!” How appropriate!
So, it’s Tuesday evening. I’ve been home since 4:45. Did a little more work thanks to technology. Had some dinner – thanks to Nina and crew at Delish & Nutrish. It was a delish Roast Turkey & Veggie Wrap. Super fresh and incredibly tasty, yet still well within my calorie guidelines and delivered to my door! How cool is that?
I don’t have TV. Or rather I bought this great HD TV for movies, but only have 8 GB per month from Verizon Wireless which is like 1.5 movies on HD. I find TV to be a mindless waste of time, so this is how I limit how much I do it. Needless to say, it’s used up after the first day!
All my good books are read. Yes, that includes the Shades of Gray trilogy that was mostly erotica and very much appreciated! I’ve got a few self improvement books I’ve been reading. In the middle of Tribes by Seth Godin and Million Dollar Habits by Brian Tracy, but I can only read those in 30 minutes spurts.
So I have about .001GB left. My options are:
1) Go out by myself for a drink or two, which means I’d probably be tired tomorrow and have to get up early to drive to LA for an intense sales rally. This was really my first choice because I feel like I’m missing something in life by staying home alone.
2) Check in with hot guy upstairs and, while he doesn’t drink and has no clue whether he should make a move on me or not but I really want him to, watch mindless tv on his sofa – also on my list of favorites, although if he were to make a move it would make it so uncomfortable if it ended badly (like what if he sucks in bed) and then one of us had to move. It would have to be him because we live in a great place and there is no way in hell I am moving. Then again, if he were gone, some of the funness of living here would be gone because seeing him shirtless doing laundry is a part of the fun that makes me fantasize about rubbing oil all over him then sliding my body all over his. Mmmm…OK cold shower time! I sometimes lay out on my patio – and he just happens to wash his dishes at that time (him not my planning and every time!) – and his window looks down on my patio and I rub oil all over the parts of me that my bikini doesn’t cover (and sometimes a little more than that!) I’m not sure but I think I have heard him say “One of these days” or possibly I’m just hoping I heard him say that! This is obviously not the best option, although the most preferred! Then again, the fantasies are far too much fun!
Holy fuck! Hot guy must have been reading this before it was even posted. He hollered downstairs to ask me to turn my music down – we have an agreement that I turn it off at 9:00, but I did have it up pretty loud – especially when Marvin Gaye was playing. So, I step out to chat with him and he’s leaning over the balcony shirtless! I tease him and he invites me upstairs to see how loud my music sounds in his place! Jesus! My panties would be drenched before I got to the top step! Thankfully I had this blog to finish, so I declined. But it gave me yet another really fun fantasy! I hope I dream that one tonight! I also fantasize that he finds reasons to see/talk to me. Laundry is next to my place and he does laundry several times a week – always in the limited time I am home and often after the published times – just sayin’!
3) Call someone else to come visit. Lots of options, but nothing that really excites me.
4) Pour myself a cocktail and blog. Guess it’s obvious which one I chose. I’m using that tiny, extra bit of MG to write my thoughts. I’m finding the more I do it, which is not often enough, the more comfortable I get saying everything on my mind. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking, holy shit, what if someone knows me and it goes public? That’s scary, and also kinda exciting!
Speaking of scary and kinda exciting, I’m finally in a place in my life where my income is where I want it to be and I have money in the bank (never enough though!) (OMG, a really nasty song just came on and I really want to turn it up loud!) Anyway, a GF and I had lunch the other day and she told me about an investment in a start-up she just made. She wasn’t telling me to talk me into it, just chatting about it. She was really excited and has been deeply involved for many years in the technology that this company is involved in. She told me how much she invested and I said – I can do that. And today I did it. First time ever. I did some research and checked with some other knowledgable friends. Some were apprehensive for one reason or another – licensing intellectual property being risky (Microsoft does it), similar technology already out there (not true), concerned about the risk. Most thought the same way I did. Is it a calculated risk and if I lose, how will it impact me? Realistically, if I lose the money, I’ll be bummed, but it won’t change my life or life style. So I did it. I feel a little guilty not asking any of my family for advice, but they are so conservative and as much as I love them, they aren’t the ones I want to be like. I called the people I admire and want to feed off of. And if/when something great comes of it, they will definitely be the beneficiaries! Am I making excuses?
The man that is everything I don’t want hasn’t had time to see me this week yet. I can’t believe I get excited every time he texts or calls or, God forbid, I run into him. What is it about chemistry? That’s all there is here. I don’t necessarily enjoy my conversations with him. He still hasn’t cooked for me or me for him. Not enough time to plan for that. Our time is sporadic and limited and all I want to do is get him naked and in between my legs. Isn’t happening often enough for my libido, and the bad part is I can’t kick him out after, but I want to. My neck is so screwed up laying on his big, broad, muscular shoullder. He snores… LOUD… and talks in his sleep about work (it might be ok if it was juicy!) And he stinks like cigarrettes in the middle of the night. He has to get up at 4:00 in the morning. No, let me correct that. His alarm goes off at 4:00 and it takes him a while to hear it, so I have to deal with it so hot guy upstiars doesn’t hear. He hits snooze as long as he can until I get so fucking tired of it I kick him out. Why can’t someone invent something that allows me to have sex, cuddle, start to doze off and push a button that makes him disappear until that moment in the night or morning where I need him to cuddle me cuz I had a bad dream or I had a GOOD dream and I need him to MORE than cuddle me!!!!! Then I could push a button and he’d be there again and never realize he was gone! How perfect would that be? Somebody? Anybody? I’m an investor!!!
I make fun of the men in my life, but it is all in jest. I am so totally grateful for all of the experiences I have and I wouldn’t have them if it weren’t for these men! It’s Tuesday night at home alone and even getting my thoughts written down helps me settle and feel peaceful. I wish that for all of you!
May your life be intoxicating!
As I go through life, I come across people who make you question how some people survive. Especially in the dating world.
Like the guy who texts me at 7:52 for the address of Intermezzo where we are supposed to meet at 8:00, which I send to him at 7:54. At 8:20, I send him a text saying, “I thought you said 8:00?” And nothing… Big fat whopping nothing. Until 9:03, I get a test saying, “I’m here, where are you?” Really? Even the bartender wanted to smack him. Then he suggested we meet somewhere close to where I live, which was only 3 blocks from Intermezzo. Then he suggested he bring a bottle of wine to my house as a peace offering. Right! Screw him. I’m hot, I’m fun, I’m successful – and I don’t need to wait around for men that obviously think their time is more valuable than mine. He may be a doctor and he may be decent looking, but I respect myself way too much to tolerate crap like that. Did he seriously not know he was running late at 7:52 that he couldn’t have added, “BTW, running late, sorry.” Would have made all the difference in the world and that only took me 6 seconds to type!
And then there is the other guy that never plans in advance. I’ll get a text at 7:00 with something like, “What r doing?” Sadly, this guy is really hot – my kind of hot, which is more attitude – and gets my panties wet just from a seriously stupid text like that and I have a hard time resisting him. He says the only way things will change is if I move in with him. What? Where the hell did that come from? I’ve only known the guy a couple months and there are so many serious deal breakers. The image he portrayed in the beginning was a guy that cooks super healthy (he is a private chef for some big hitters), eats healthy, works out regularly and is very spiritual. Add on the fact that I just want to rip his clothes off and bury myself in his scent every time I am near him. Come to find out, he smokes, doesn’t believe in working out anymore and eats fried pork rinds and cashews for dinner. He also tells me how to market my business, even though he has never done it in his life and I’m very successful with what I do. Hmm. Too bad he kicks my skirt up so high. Don’t want to hurt him, so I won’t be able to play with him as much as I’d like.
So that brings up another question. I know he is not Mr. Right, but he a great Mr. Occasional. Is that fair to him? He says things like he is getting attached, and I’ve been honest with him about the deal breakers. Is it fair for me to keep having crazy, nasty, leaves me wanting to do it all over again, really hot sex with him or should I set him aside out of concern for his feelings?
Then there is the really hot, super sexy 32 year old incredibly intelligent and well spoken bartender, who almost had me pouncing on him, but I guess I rejected him one too many times. He liked it. It intrigued him. I wonder if he has any idea just how close he was. I would think after spending a couple hours talking with me, to give up all of a sudden. Hmm. He didn’t have his phone and I wasn’t going to give him my number anyway. He is too young. He offered me his, but for what purpose. I don’t believe in calling men. They need to be the hunter, in my opinion, in order to value something. And if he really wants to find me, I’m all over the internet. A quick google with minimal information. Hell, my first name and Santa Barbara will find about 8 pages of stuff! It’s a small town, our paths will cross again. I wonder if I’ll remember him!?!
My GF debated with me on whether he was too young. Her theory is take your age, divide it by 2 and add 8. That would be the minimum age. For me that would be 32. But it still seems too young. I wouldn’t mind have a 32 year old in the sack on a regular basis, but what more could he add?
And that was something else I’ve been having conversations about. I have a great life. I love life! I work hard in a career I adore. (I’m in the office now.) I make a good income so I can do what I want. I have lots of friends, with a handful of close ones. I get out and about regularly and try new restaurants. I travel a little and am making more of an effort to do it more. So, if I am going to date someone and open up my life and my schedule to fit them in – I know, that sounds really bad, but is not intended that way – they need to be able to add to my net-net. I don’t mean that financially. I want to know how they can make my life even better. Because if they can’t, why bother? I don’t need any energy sucking vampires dragging me down!
I am a big believer that life is what YOU make it. First, you have to allow yourself to have a great life. It’s all about the energy you put into it and the energy you take out of it. I do a lot of both! And I make sure it’s all great energy. This morning I walked from my house downtown – kind of mid-downtown – to Backyard Bowls, then over to SB Running Company down on Anacapa close to the beach for new running shoes, then I ran via the beach to my office on Coast Village Rd and Olive Mill. About 5 miles. What an amazing morning! I will get a few hours of work done, then I’ll run home. And I have two parties to go to tonight. It’s perfect weather today. How much better could life really get?
And one final plug: If you haven’t been to the new restaurant that opened, Maggie‘s, where State and A used to be, you need to go. It’s beautiful, elegant and fun. I’ve never had a better burger in my life. They just had their chef start so they are working out the kinks, but well worth a visit. Not inexpensive, but a great experience!
Funny how life is constantly changing – sometimes for the worse, but more often for the better. I can go six months without a decent date, then all of a sudden have a plethora of men vying for my attention. I wonder why that is. I’m not any different that I can see. My weight is about the same and at a comfortable, feel-good place. My energy level is about the same. My attitude about me and about life is almost always positive. So I question, are the planets aligned in just the right way? Is Mercury in retrograde? (Not that I really understand what that means, but it sounds good and I know there is something to it because all kinds of craziness kicks up!)
The theme currently seems to be men from my past. Not really boyfriends from the past, just men I’ve known for several years that are all of a sudden inviting me out to dinner and making a move. Some welcome moves, some, mmm, not so much. Fortunately, I am really good at handling difficult situations without too much harm.
I do get confused by the behavior of men. For instance, what is up with the man asking me where I want to go for dinner? Well, I’d like to go to the San Ysidro Ranch, if you must know, but that’s not what they have in mind, I’m sure! Wouldn’t it be better to ask if there is a particular type of food I have a hankering for? That way I can say Italian or Indian, and they can pick a place that fits their budget.
Another good one is all the texting. Yes, you misunderstood. No, you didn’t piss me off. I just don’t think getting a text late at night to see if I want to grab a cocktail qualifies for dating. That’s a booty call and it’s not my style. If you want to see me, can’t you be a little old fashioned and dial my number, have a conversation with me and invite me out for a day or two later? And if you want a weekend date, what happened to calling on Monday or Tuesday? That way I have time to anticipate and get excited and think about what to wear and go shopping if necessary. That is so much more fun! And you can be sure my mood, appearance and energy level will show it!
Or here is another one. We are scheduled to get together at 6:30. At 6:12, after I have arranged my schedule accordingly and and putting the final touches on being beautiful, I get a text asking if we can “push it back an hour.” Now what am I going to do for the next hour? (I’m blogging!) I never responded to the text, just out of curiousity to see what he would do. He never called, never texted again. He doesn’t even know if I got the text. It’s right on that verge of rude and kind of took the tingle out of the attitude. That’s too bad. But he is fun to look at, so that helps!
So I have all of these adorable men paying attention and I ask: Is it ok for a woman to have more than one lover? I have no commitment to any of the men I am dating. They haven’t asked for it and they definitely haven’t earned it and I’m not sure I would be interested anyway. But I do love sex and since I’m not getting any younger and I am using protection, is there anything wrong with testing the waters in a few tide pools? I can only think that is each indivifual’s decision. I don’t know if I could actually do that, but it makes for an excellent fantasy. Especially when I fantasize about having more than one there at the same time. Simply delicious!
subliminalsantabarbara 
