Surprise! It’s me again!

I’ve missed you so! I really need to get focused on writing more blogs. It’s such a feel-good and stress relief!

So, as a quick update, I’m still single! Surprised? I can’t decide if I am or not. As much as I would love to be in a relationship, my tolerance for crap is extremely limited. Am I getting old and set in my ways or just tired of the bull shit?

Tell me, my friends, am I being too hard on these men?

1) Met him on Match.com. He “liked” me, so I emailed and said his profile looked too good to be true. It really did – he was insanely hot in all of his pictures, had a lot of common interests, was well written (a need for me!), was age appropriate and not looking for a youngster AND he was local! He thanked me, said a few words. I responded. He sent his phone number. I told him I would call. Later that afternoon I got voicemail. No response. The next day I get a message on Match saying he had gotten busy but would be around that evening and over the weekend. It is now 3 days later and I still haven’t heard from him. Was he expecting me to call him AGAIN? What happened to chivalry? I made the effort and his has only been half-ass, so he probably is too good to be true. Next?

2) Met him on OK-Cupid. Match wasn’t getting me anywhere, so a girlfriend suggests I give OK-C a try. We write back and forth and decide to meet for coffee – it was a little strange how he pushed for 7:30 in the morning. I get a note from him at 10:00 the night before saying if I want to come at 7:00, I can join him for breakfast. At the same time, I get a text from my GF saying the name of the guy from OKC who has been harassing her. Yep, you guessed it – it was him! I’m a good sport, so I plan to meet him anyway. I double check his profile and realize he has added some stuff, some BIG stuff! He thinks Jesus was smarter than Einstein! I don’t have a problem with Bible Thumpers, I just am not one and don’t really want to date one. Been there, nuf said. So I go in with full disclosure: he denies that he knows my girlfriend and says he is no longer religious and didn’t realize his profile showed it. I was grateful when I got the note from him saying we were looking for different things, so I didn’t have to do it. I appreciate the little things in life!

3) Have known him for 10 years and we have hung out several times over the years strictly as friends. He starts showing more of an interest, and a little more and he kisses me. And it was good. Really good. And he is married I find out, when another guy friend of ours got a bit jealous of our flirting and spilled. Again, I appreciate small favors.

4) Met on OKC. That site seems to work a little better for me, although with these stories I’m not so sure! Hot on paper(less)! Invites me to a very nice place for a drink. Not so hot in person. Takes out a $20 to pay for two drinks. Not sure where he thinks he is living, but this is Santa Barbara and this was a fine dining establishment. He brings the check back to the table, so when we go to leave I offer to help pay. That’s my norm – I always offer and always appreciate when they don’t let me. He jokes that I can pay for dinner. Sure enough, he expected me to! I suggested we go dutch. We had nothing in common and he was incredibly boring. I wasn’t going to pay for his dinner, too!

5) Another guy I’ve known for years as friends, although we had a benefit once or twice. Hadn’t seen or heard from him in two years when I get a text suggesting I go for a long weekend with him. I’m spontaneous like that. He was great about picking up the tab for everything, and wouldn’t let me unless I insisted on paying. We had fun, although the sex was nothing like it was in the years before. So I ask him straight up: When did you stop dining down? He said he didn’t and that was the end of the conversation. During the 5 play times we had that weekend, not once was there much foreplay on his part. I like foreplay – a lot! After that conversation, he didn’t touch me again. Said he wasn’t feeling well from a big meal we had. I’ve seen him once since then and same thing. Straight to penetration. Don’t get me wrong, he is well built so it was still fun, but not nearly as hot as it had been in the past. Seriously? WTF? I won’t be going back there.

6) and last as I’ll stop boring you! Great looking guy I met on OKC. He lives in Ventura and was willing to come to SB. So many of them want me to drive to them – I’ll pass, thanks!  We had a great conversation. He was very complimentary – almost to the point of being insincere – do you know the type? I find out he lives with his mother. He is 60 years old and lives with is mother. In addition, he informs me he takes testosterone supplements and estrogen blockers so that he can keep his youthful appearance – a little weird, but it was working for him. Date #2 he shares WAY TOO MUCH. I know every aspect of his man grooming and what he expects from a woman. You know, I have waxed my va-gi-gi in the past and had it ignored. (Passive aggressive guy) If he wants me to do it again, I’m willing to tolerate the pain but he had better pay for it. Otherwise he can deal with whatever bush or non-bush happens to be there when and if he is ever lucky enough to see my panties on the floor! Then he drops a final bomb. It appears I am dating a 60 year old ex-stripper who lives with his mother! I make fun of him, but I do have to clarify: his mother is 89 years old and can’t live by herself and can’t afford full time care, so he moved from out of state to be there for her. It’s just funnier if I say it the other way. Now I need to clarify if he was ever a gigolo. That would really make me laugh! I might have to sleep with him just so I can say I did!

7) OK, I know I said that last one was my last, but then I remembered this one. Met him through a mutual friend. We hung out as friends for a while, then decided to step up. It was fun, briefly. I realized he had a bromance that I couldn’t compete with. It seemed perfectly ok to him to stand me up or be an hour late because his bro would make fun of him if he left early to see me. He couldn’t have his married bro whose wife wore the pants making fun of him. Not even for sex with a chick far hotter than him.  I don’t think he ever got out of high school.Grow up!

Is it just me, or are these typical over 40 dating stories? Are there no men left within a 100 mile radius that are decent looking, at least somewhat ambitious, fun, chivalrous and can still get it up? Am I asking for too much?

Every one of these men tells me how hot I am – much better looking than my photos and a lot younger looking than my 51 years. They think I have everything a guy would want from a woman. I’m even a great cook! So what’s my problem? Am I supposed to settle for some schmuck that will bore that crap out of me? No way, I’ll invest in Duracell!

Until next time, thanks for reading!