Another Year Wiser…

That’s what they say anyway! Not sure I learned much more in the past year. Still single, still going on dates that leave me laughing, thinking I should have known.

I had a date last night. It was the 2nd date – ish. I say ish, because the first was a dinner he was putting on and he had me pay for it. His cost was only $30, the event was $65 and I paid the full $65, so it wasn’t really a date. He kinda thought it was but didn’t do much to make a good first impression. This 2nd time, at least he shaved. Not sure if he showered because he didn’t smell fresh, but he didn’t smell bad. Fresh makes me want to stay close, really close. And he probably isn’t big on doing laundry because the 3 times I have seen him, his pants, shirt and jacket were dirty. Not stained, just over worn dirty.

It’s a shame, because he’s a good looking guy and we have quite a bit in common, we converse extremely well and we laugh a lot. I just don’t see myself getting naked with a man that doesn’t have excellent hygiene. Call it a pet peeve, I’m ok with that! Needless to say, the date was over early and there wasn’t much affection – even though I like him a lot.

So I ask you, is it worth while to discuss with him the improvements I’d like to see in him? Would I be rude to ask him to wear clean clothes so that I am not embarrassed with him when I run into people I know in this small town – and I will!

I also want him to lose the gut. It looks like a basketball got planted in his tummy. He says he is not a drinker, even though he makes wine. Yet, the belly tells me he likes beer and greasy, unhealthy food. He chose a vegan restaurant last night, then ordered a grilled cheese and complained that it was awful!

Here’s the thing, to you gentlemen out there, a gut is crazy unattractive.  I don’t want to cuddle up to that or even look at it.  And even more important, it shrinks your dick! There ends up being so much fat in front of your dick, it’s sometimes difficult to find. In addition, you’re probably limited to woman on top position and I prefer to try a variety of positions when I have sex – like a lot of women. Being on top doesn’t get me off nearly as well other positions. So, do yourself a favor – get rid of the gut! It will make your girl happy (or help you get that hot girl you’ve been lusting after!) and it will make you healthier and seriously more comfortable. I can’t imagine it’s comfortable carrying a bowling ball around ALL THE TIME!

Another attempt at a relationship I had recently was also pretty amusing. We have fun regularly, but could never get it together in the sex or sleep department. I don’t sleep well generally, so to have him wake me every time he wanted to cuddle didn’t work for me. And, while I adore his dog, I don’t want her in the bed with me all night. And the sex – I was seriously surprised about. I like to talk about sex before I ever get around to doing it. I want to know what a man believes is good sex. Tell me your perfect sex scenario. Sex is important to me and I like to play a lot. Morning sex as a wham bam is fine, because we have to go to work. In the evenings though, let’s make it last. That toying and teasing builds up to a much more intense climax – and that’s what I want!

This guy says he loves going downtown – he can go downtown for an hour! Hmm, that got me hot! Of course, he falls asleep at 8:30, then wakes me up at 2:00AM to go do his business and for almost an hour, he clamped on to my clit and never let go! And that was it. Nothing else. Nada! I finally had to stop him because I was numb. The next day, I asked him if I licked the tip of his dick for an entire hour, would he cum? His response: “Of course not!” Then why do you think I would? Since then, I have given him explicit directions (by request) before, during and after and after four months of trying, we decided we probably should just be good friends and stop trying to have sex. I haven’t yet asked him if it works for other women he is with. I can’t imagine it would!

I will take a moment away from making fun of my dates, to make fun of my girlfriends. After all, laughter is what I am aspiring to! So, I was debating what to do for SuperBowl. I had a party invite which wasn’t overly fun last year, but great food.  Or I could go to a restaurant/bar I like called BrewHouse. I knew that would be a fun crowd and while I don’t give a shit about football, I do enjoy watching when its the best of the best – although not this game.

A couple girlfriends decided they wanted to do with me whatever I decided to do, and I chose the foodie party. My friends got there and automatically grabbed a table for 4, got a drink and food and sat there the entire time. So when one of my friends said (and meant), “I thought I would meet my next boyfriend here” I burst into laughter. I mean, seriously? You come to a party, sit down and don’t talk to anyone and think you’re going to meet anyone?

I had another close girlfriend once say to me, “Why don’t I ever meet men when I am out with you?” Is that why she is my friend? Because she thinks I am younger and prettier and will draw men to come over to talk to us? At this point in my life, the thought of meeting a man in a bar isn’t even a blip in my mind. I go out to have fun and meet all kinds of people and not worry about anything. Why do women expect me to introduce them to the man of their dreams? I can’t even do it for myself!

So, in closing, guys – lose the gut and clean yourself up! Ladies, get out there doing the things you enjoy doing and open yourself up to talking to everyone. At least you will still have a good time, even if Mr. Right doesn’t plop himself on your lap! And in the interim, have fun with the Mr. Right Nows. I’m realizing that dating several men, even with their flaws, works really well! And you get a lot more experiences! Mr. Right will make himself known when it’s time and you aren’t sitting around the house until then!

Until next time, cheers!