Lost Causes

This was from a year + ago and just realized I never published it. I didn’t read through it all, so I hope it isn’t awful!

Honesty, being up-front, not hiding the shit you know you should just so that you can accomplish your own goals at the expense of multiple others. Is that really too much to ask for?

I had given up dating for several months – that’s why you haven’t heard from me. My 18 year old niece moved in with me. Big change from being single, no kids, living alone for more than several years. It took a little adjusting, and I just couldn’t deal with the bullshit of dating added in. Or perhaps I just don’t want to deal with the bullshit of dating.

I thought I had settled in with my niece pretty well. She agreed. I decided to give it a try. Signed up for Match.com. Went on a date or two or three. One guy never even seemed to mourn his dead wife, who died unexpectedly. Went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I found that out from Google – not from the guy. He is so lonely and desperate to have someone in his bed and helping with the kids. That’s what I determined after a coffee and a dinner with him. A girlfriend of mine had also gone out with him. That’s how small this town is. If I meet someone, I just ask two or three of my GFs and someone will know him.

Then I randomly meet a guy at the Playboy Jazz Festival. OK, maybe it wasn’t super random. I put it out to the universe. Walking into the concert, I told my GF, “We’re going to be surrounded by really fun people and a couple single, great guys… that are straight!” And we did. My GF was miffed that the second single guy was only 16, to her 65. She swore he was hitting on her. Now that I’ve gotten to know his Dad, he probably was.

They are sitting one row up and a few seats over. He says hello as we walk by. I smile. He sees we have a bottle of champagne and wants to know where we got it. He doesn’t go get one, so when we’re ready for another (this was an 8 hour concert – one bottle was not going to be enough!), I invite him to come with me. It seemed like magic after that.

He was a little bold for me, but what girl doesn’t like having a great looking guy pay attention? We have a lot in common, the bantering is strong and fun, the chemistry is insane – you know that chemistry where when you kiss him,  it smells like sex and it puts that little tingle down there? I love that smell. I want to bottle it. There is no better aphrodisiac. He saw me and never stopped looking the entire 8+ hours. He switched his vacation plans around to see me again – and drove 3 hours to do it. He was all over me. I had to keep pushing him back because it was way to fast for me. And seriously fun! It’s been a very looong time since I’ve had that kind of chemistry with someone. It felt good. Red flags be damned. Even when he said he was coming to visit and it turned out he planned to stay with me for TEN DAYS STRAIGHT! What kind of crazy person spends 24/7 for 10 days when you hardly know someone? Evidently, I do.

Red flags shaking heartily in my face, friends not liking what they are hearing, but love him when they meet him. Really like how we are together. Can’t believe we’ve only known each other a few weeks, because we seem to know each other so well.

As much as I shouldn’t have, I didn’t work much at all while he was here. We went to LA and played tourist. We stayed in Beverly Hills. We dined at some nice places – OK, not the level of nice I really like, but with him it was all really nice.

And the sex was insane! He knew just what to do. Wasn’t one of THOSE guys that says, “Tell me what you want, baby!” Right, if they really knew what I wanted, they would probably think I was a freak. I once told a guy exactly what I wanted and he said no way. I told him to quit asking stupid questions. No, this guy knew to do whatever he wanted and listen to and feel my responses. The louder I got, the more he knew I liked it. And he was nasty, really nasty – just the way I like it. He was also very possesive. Telling me he owned me now. That no one else could have me. That no Match.com guy could take care of me the same way.

In 7 days, we had one minor snaffu. Not bad after 24/7 with someone you hardly know. We talked about it. I cried a little about it, but hid it from him. I kept asking what was I not going to like about him. He assured me we were perfect for each other. We were made for each other. The reason our past relationships hadn’t worked is because it wasn’t us. He was already planning his move to Santa Barbara. He could work from anywhere, sort of. He wanted to move in with me and my niece – which is already over crowded and with only 1 bathroom. Red flag! Red flag! which my rose-colored glasses couldn’t see. I did keep telling him to slow down, which he would for a few minutes.

So, you’re probably wondering what the point is to this story. Yes, the shit hit the fan. Well, not really, because I am such a balanced, level-headed, no drama kind of person. When I get the text message – yes, that’s the one – Hi. This is **, his girlfriend of 10 years. He may have forgotten to tell you about me. Did he also forget to tell you that we are business partners and he lives in a house that I own and he does not contribute to the mortgage? And those lovely dinners he has been buying for you – well, you’re welcome. He even bought me panties with her credit card. Eeewwwe!

I tried to discreetly let him read the first – of MANY – texts that came in. He was too busy in a conversation with a friend of mine, so I let another friend of mine read it. When she yelled, “OH MY GOD!!” he finally paid attention. He wanted to explain. He thought he was doing the right thing. He’d been trying to break it off with her for 2 years – but was still living in her house. He could explain that, too. Then another text came in. “I did his laundry, and drove him to the airport. He hardly let me out of bed that morning.” Then she sent me a text that he had sent to her while flying to see me. Wasn’t pretty. Sounded just like him – even I knew that already.

As I said, I’m not drama prone and I didn’t want to make a big scene in front of my friends whose lake house we were staying at. So I made the most of it. I stashed the rose goggles, rehashed the red flags, realized I was done with him but we had no where to go – we’d been drinking really good wine for several hours – so we stayed and I took advantage of the guilt he was feeling by making him perform outrageous acts in bed and cat