A Night At Home Alone – Oh My!

Granted, it’s only a Tuesday night. On the one hand, it is rather refreshing to have some alone time, some badly needed down time. On the other hand, I kinda feel like I might be missing out on something. My friend, the one that is everything I don’t want, keeps saying, “Life is long.” What else is longer? OK, sounds dumb, but there is some truth to it. So rather than thinking that life is short, I’ve changed my thinking to “Life is Limited” or “Life does end eventually, so you might as well make the most of it now!”  Right? Funny, listening to my I-pod on shuffle(first Apple device, by the way!) and a song is singing, “I’m here for the party! Just try to throw me out!” How appropriate!

So, it’s Tuesday evening. I’ve been home since 4:45. Did a little more work thanks to technology. Had some dinner – thanks to Nina and crew at Delish & Nutrish. It was a delish Roast Turkey & Veggie Wrap. Super fresh and incredibly tasty, yet still well within my calorie guidelines and delivered to my door! How cool is that?

I don’t have TV. Or rather I bought this great HD TV for movies, but only have 8 GB per month from Verizon Wireless which is like 1.5 movies on HD. I find TV to be a mindless waste of time, so this is how I limit how much I do it. Needless to say, it’s used up after the first day!

All my good books are read. Yes, that includes the Shades of Gray trilogy that was mostly erotica and very much appreciated! I’ve got a few self improvement books I’ve been reading. In the middle of Tribes by Seth Godin and Million Dollar Habits by Brian Tracy, but I can only read those in 30 minutes spurts.

So I have about .001GB left. My options are:

1) Go out by myself for a drink or two, which means I’d probably be tired tomorrow and have to get up early to drive to LA for an intense sales rally. This was really my first choice because I feel like I’m missing something in life by staying home alone.

2) Check in with hot guy upstairs and, while he doesn’t drink and has no clue whether he should make a move on me or not but I really want him to, watch mindless tv on his sofa – also on my list of favorites, although if he were to make a move it would make it so uncomfortable if it ended badly (like what if he sucks in bed) and then one of us had to move. It would have to be him because we live in a great place and there is no way in hell I am moving. Then again, if he were gone, some of the funness of living here would be gone because seeing him shirtless doing laundry is a part of the fun that makes me fantasize about rubbing oil all over him then sliding my body all over his. Mmmm…OK cold shower time! I sometimes lay out on my patio – and he just happens to wash his dishes at that time (him not my planning and every time!) – and his window looks down on my patio and I rub oil all over the parts of me that my bikini doesn’t cover (and sometimes a little more than that!) I’m not sure but I think I have heard him say “One of these days” or possibly I’m just hoping I heard him say that!  This is obviously not the best option, although the most preferred! Then again, the fantasies are far too much fun!

Holy fuck! Hot guy must have been reading this before it was even posted. He hollered downstairs to ask me to turn my music down – we have an agreement that I turn it off at 9:00, but I did have it up pretty loud – especially when Marvin Gaye was playing. So, I step out to chat with him and he’s leaning over the balcony shirtless! I tease him and he invites me upstairs to see how loud my music sounds in his place! Jesus! My panties would be drenched before I got to the top step! Thankfully I had this blog to finish, so I declined. But it gave me yet another really fun fantasy! I hope I dream that one tonight! I also fantasize that he finds reasons to see/talk to me. Laundry is next to my place and he does laundry several times a week – always in the limited time I am home and often after the published times – just sayin’!

3) Call someone else to come visit. Lots of options, but nothing that really excites me.

4) Pour myself a cocktail and blog. Guess it’s obvious which one I chose. I’m using that tiny, extra bit of MG to write my thoughts. I’m finding the more I do it, which is not often enough, the more comfortable I get saying everything on my mind. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking, holy shit, what if someone knows me and it goes public? That’s scary, and also kinda exciting!

Speaking of scary and kinda exciting, I’m finally in a place in my life where my income is where I want it to be and I have money in the bank (never enough though!) (OMG, a really nasty song just came on and I really want to turn it up loud!) Anyway, a GF and I had lunch the other day and she told me about an investment in a start-up she just made. She wasn’t telling me to talk me into it, just chatting about it. She was really excited and has been deeply involved for many years in the technology that this company is involved in. She told me how much she invested and I said – I can do that. And today I did it. First time ever. I did some research and checked with some other knowledgable friends. Some were apprehensive for one reason or another – licensing intellectual property being risky (Microsoft does it), similar technology already out there (not true), concerned about the risk. Most thought the same way I did. Is it a calculated risk and if I lose, how will it impact me? Realistically, if I lose the money, I’ll be bummed, but it won’t change my life or life style. So I did it. I feel a little guilty not asking any of my family for advice, but they are so conservative and as much as I love them, they aren’t the ones I want to be like. I called the people I admire and want to feed off of. And if/when something great comes of it, they will definitely be the beneficiaries! Am I making excuses?

The man that is everything I don’t want hasn’t had time to see me this week yet. I can’t believe I get excited every time he texts or calls or, God forbid, I run into him. What is it about chemistry? That’s all there is here. I don’t necessarily enjoy my conversations with him. He still hasn’t cooked for me or me for him. Not enough time to plan for that. Our time is sporadic and limited and all I want to do is get him naked and in between my legs. Isn’t happening often enough for my libido, and the bad part is I can’t kick him out after, but I want to. My neck is so screwed up laying on his big, broad, muscular shoullder. He snores… LOUD… and talks in his sleep about work (it might be ok if it was juicy!) And he stinks like cigarrettes in the middle of the night. He has to get up at 4:00 in the morning. No, let me correct that. His alarm goes off at 4:00 and it takes him a while to hear it, so I have to deal with it so hot guy upstiars doesn’t hear. He hits snooze as long as he can until I get so fucking tired of it I kick him out. Why can’t someone invent something that allows me to have sex, cuddle, start to doze off and push a button that makes him disappear until that moment in the night or morning where I need him to cuddle me cuz I had a bad dream or I had a GOOD dream and I need him to MORE than cuddle me!!!!! Then I could push a button and he’d be there again and never realize he was gone! How perfect would that be? Somebody? Anybody? I’m an investor!!!

I make fun of the men in my life, but it is all in jest. I am so totally grateful for all of the experiences I have and I wouldn’t have them if it weren’t for these men! It’s Tuesday night at home alone and even getting my thoughts written down helps me settle and feel peaceful. I wish that for all of you!

May your life be intoxicating!